The First Time But Certainly Not The Last Time…

… that I will have rants about boys. And I say boys because I rarely have a run in with someone I can classify as a man.
There are many perks to being single but I am convinced dating is not one of those. It’s never ending socially awkward situations that when they finally do end turn in to a disappointing let down because you realize the guy across the table can easily be classified as one of the following:

an asshole

a selfish pig

a racist homophobe


an insecure little bitch

an unmotivated bum

or just down right boring

This is assuming you get a guy who is willing to be classic and take you to dinner. I get asked out for drinks most of the time and I am sorry, but I do not want to get to know you as an alcoholic, I want to know you as a sober human being. TAKE ME TO THE PARK! Take me for a walk, you can even take me to the gym with you! I would rather enjoy a nice workout with little conversation than sit at a bar screaming my questions into your already tuned out ears.Take me to a movie and then to get ice cream after to discuss. Take me to the cider mill. Take me to a book store. Come up with something… ANYTHING that is original or fun.

On that note, IF you are going to try and “pick me up” in a bar, you better have a damn good line because NO, you are not getting laid tonight. NO, I don’t enjoy your beer breath while you try to rub your sweat on me on the dance floor, go away. And NO, I am not ok with you interrupting the obvious conversation I am already having with my girlfriend so you can offer to buy me a drink and then try to use that as an excuse to sit with me. Come on guys, be creative already!

On another note, if you are insecure about yourself and your abilities as a man please avoid trying to date me. Why you are even looking for a relationship is beyond me, but no strong, independent woman has the time to butter you up and live at the same time. Your insecurities are not my problem, and sorry about your luck, but I will not be changing my style, my hair, my friends or my attitude because you can’t handle it. Jealousy is not a term I am willing to have in my life. Thanks but no thanks.

Finally, if you are not interested in a monogamous relationship, don’t call me. As much as I like the chase and the questions about whether or not you want me (false, I don’t have time for that) I really am not interested in your member for fun. I don’t think with my vagina so don’t assume that thinking with your thing will work on me. It’s not going to happen boys so move along to something easier if that’s all you want, because it sure as hell is not me.

End rant.


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