Do you ever get those feelings that hit you like a ton of bricks? You know the feelings that for seemingly no reason drop you to your knees? It’s intense, sometimes so emotionally jarring that you have no choice but to cry with ferocity! Well the crying doesn’t happen as often for me but the intense feeling happens on occasion.
The other day, my life smacked me in the face with a “WAKE UP! THIS BULLSHIT YOU’RE DOING IS BORING! KNOCK IT OFF!” Which goes back to my last post. I have been dating and enjoying single life to the fullest but have not quite cut out/cut off people who are dead end roads. Well, this emotion came running at me full speed and charged into my chest, knocking me to my knees. While down there on my knees, praying for the answers and the words I was given just that.
I have been focusing a lot on the desires of the world and not opening up the desires of my heart to be fulfilled. I started naming off people who were pointless endeavors and immediately started cleaning up the clutter in my mind and heart. I was very honest to these people which came off quite harsh at times but it was long awaited severing that needed to happen.
I also let go of the other worries of my heart from an uncontrollable financial perspective. There are things that are going to happen, I’m going to get sick and injured and weak and my pocket book will pay the price. But what this doesn’t do is define my heart and my capacity to love and enjoy life. Broken bones, cancer scares, and even the simple cold. It’s not a road block, it’s more of a flat tire. A temporary postponement until I find the means to fix it and get back on the road.
As cleansing and delightful this moment of utter release was for me, it also brought to the surface subjects of life that I have been avoiding. From loving and leaving, loving and being left all the way to security and decisions, decisions, decisions. I look forward to my next mind numbing, knock me off my feet emotional smack in the face… Clearly this last one wasn’t quite enough.