Cheater, Cheater

KissThere are songs upon songs about it, there are books and movies and memoirs on the topic. The thoughts and ideas around the concept of cheating is quite a vast range.

There is physical cheating; some people would say having sex is when they would consider it cheating, where others would find a simple kiss enough of a betrayal.

There is emotional cheating; the feelings are shifted and hearts are a mess, isn’t this cheating enough? I have always been fond of the quote “You don’t have to have sex to cheat. Once you find yourself deleting text messages, you’re probably almost there…” This is only relevant to the current day and time, but it covers the idea of emotional cheating so well.

There is also personal cheating; staying in something you no longer want or desire, you are faithful and loving, but you are cheating yourself out of true happiness.

I digress…

I personally have never been a fan of the idea. I have always held the belief that if I am going to cheat I will break your heart first and walk away. If my mind and my heart can allow myself to put my lips on another, then I don’t deserve you anymore anyways. Might as well break it off before I do more damage. I also struggle with the concept that two people could recover from a cheating scenario, did he/she cheat once or was it an ongoing affair? Why did they cheat? Was it because I was unable to satisfy sexually or was I neglectful emotionally? Was it even really ‘me’ or was he just a genuine asshole… Food for thought.

I experienced a scenario recently where my integrity in this department was questioned. I was accused of this act and that hurt more than I could have expected. I had been accused by a previous ex, but he was crazy and everything I did was wrong, so this was a new emotion for me. The immediate sting of the accusation made my stomach drop and I felt sick… was this really happening? Had I honestly given someone a reason to believe this could be true? When I looked at the facts and tried to see from the opposing perspective I understood… there was not a lot looking good in my favor. Yet I knew this act had not happened, there was nothing that I had done that would be able to fit in the categories of cheating above. I was faithful, I was candid in my conversations although faced with difficult scenarios, and I held hope in my heart so I didn’t feel that I was cheating myself.

The tough outcome of all this was not acknowledging to myself that I was clear conscious… it was convincing a damaged heart that his gut feelings were not true. Settling the mind of another proved to be the most difficult. There really is nothing you can say, but tell the truth that you were faithful and hope their heart believes you. Part of me was angry and could not believe that this was a feeling he had just had for awhile. I immediately was trying to figure out ‘who’ said and ‘what’ was said against me, how could I discount this accusation to settle a worried and angry mind.

The funny part of the whole thing… when you finally get the situation “patched” (I say patched because I believe it is hard for either person to fully recover from that scenario even if it didn’t occur) is what YOUR mind does moving forward. There is the age old saying that “the cheater is usually the one to point the finger” So now your mind is running through every little scenario and fight and person they know… did they? Was I accused by a guilty conscious?!  Now you are angry and curious and hurting but you can’t find the courage to bring it up. Why?

Isn’t there enough damage done in a relationship that is over?

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