Watching

watching

I woke up several times last night, trying to shake awake and end the dreams I kept having about you. Why? What was it about yesterday that flooded my subconscious with your face? The memories? I have been going through the same motions for so long so why now?

Maybe it was because I finally had the courage to wear your shirt yesterday, thinking that I had overcome the hold your possessions had over me. Apparently I was wrong. But then again, the way you have forever molded yourself in to my life, the shirt was just an excuse to let me feel again. It’s been so long I almost need excuses to justify still hurting over you… it doesn’t make any sense that I am still clinging.

I watch your life unfold from a distance. The happiness you seem to have found and our life that you have chosen to live without me. I can barely watch. I can’t even pretend that the moves you make are not the same moves we once talked about making together. In short you have simply chosen to replace me… and I hate it.

I guess the biggest question… is why do I continue to tune in to your channel when I could simply change it?

(I wrote this based off a story of a dear friend. I sympathize and can express it because I have been there.)

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