What I Deserve

Not all of us have the luxury of high self worth. It’s a compelling mental “flaw” that you can consider yourself a good person, a good friend, and still have a sense of belief that you don’t deserve much. I put a considerable amount of effort in to all of my relationships. I try to be the best friend I can be even when it is undeserved by another. I try to support and lift up and encourage and love. When it comes to relationships I can be very similar. This is also a big reason why I end up with less than what I deserve most of the time.

I have very poor luck (or choices) when it comes to relationships. I find the weak, the needy, the shitty. Or can I be so bold to say they find me? I think I wear a sign that says if you are completely unavailable to date, please try to date me, I will probably date you. Lucky for me I am pretty guarded so I can say I don’t experience much heart break, but I definitely end up experiencing a considerable amount of disappointment.

The worst part of it all, I think this is what I deserve. This is what I personally choose to settle for and I reap the consequences of thinking that I might get something greater out of something less. Do I not deserve happiness and a guy that is enraptured by me? Do I not deserve someone who will expel the same level of effort that I wish to give?

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