It’s been a about a year.
I can still picture it, walking along the beach with you letting your words sink in to my brain like a drug wheeling me through emotions I didn’t want to feel. The things you said to me were so difficult to accept considering how jaded and broken I had felt for months prior. My stomach was twisting as I tried not to listen to the words that flowed so smoothly from your lips but I couldn’t help but hear every syllable.
You were piecing me back together.
I ran in to the ocean to escape your kiss. I couldn’t bear the idea of falling for you then. But you followed me… why did you follow me? Why did you scoop me up only to deposit me on cloud 9 with the touch of your lips? Why did you hold me so tightly?
I got tangled up in you those next few months, losing track of everything I had wanted and longed for. Your words were painkillers restructuring my heart and allowing it to beat again. What I could not have prepared for though… as soon as I was intoxicated by you, you would leave.
Almost as swiftly and as cruel as you came, you would choose to no longer be the voice that promised me the world. For a while I couldn’t grasp it. Love tries everything to make it work right? You put in your all when you love, you do whatever you can and compromise and meet halfway and work together. Isn’t that how it works? But it became apparent very quickly that i was mistaken. You had not and would not try as hard as me.
What would become even more hard to handle is that you would not exert any effort to maintain the friendship you so dearly wanted to keep with me. You would call for advice, you wanted to vent, you even called for advice on girls you were dating… I ran around doing favors for you, answering every call. What did I get in return? An attempted seduction during my next visit, irrational words of struggling to not feel for me but reassuring me that there was no way we could ever work. Distance. Simply too much for you.
You must have failed to remember that I have an intensity for happiness. And draining from you was no longer bringing me anything but misery. I had realized your constant need and complete lack of reciprocity. I had grown out of the idea of loving you. But it was at that time you realized I was everything. You tried to come crashing back in with a bullshit request, and once again, was unable to stand beside your words and wants. You were a coward. And you lost me.
I stopped answering your calls, I stopped responding to your constant need for me. It drove you insane but I was unaware due to the simple fact that I had made the decision not to let your incessant needs overcome my desire for peace. Days flew by and I would not think of you, but I know you were thinking of me. I grew up and you grew stagnant. I moved on and so did you, but I left you behind whereas you will never get over this. You will live with this while I live on.