I never wanted to be her. I certainly did not want to continue to be her… It’s why I felt I had to call. I wanted you to know what it was you were married to. I can’t even dignify calling him a “him” for he is a monster. How he so easily sauntered in to the bar no ring, how his gaze made me crazy enough to give him my number… I didn’t expect him to call, he seemed to cool for me anyways! But he did, and the lies came pouring in. He never mentioned you. Never mentioned a girlfriend, let alone a wife. He said he was too busy with work to think about a relationship, but was interested in getting to know me. Friends he said.
So he came up to meet me, conversation and smiles had me intoxicated for I so longingly wanted to be wanted. He got the best of me, a kiss would be a kiss, he would attempt for more but I wanted him to work for it. I sent him home with a mere glimpse of what I had to offer. Nothing more. This I promise. I am not the girl to so easily be swayed in to a first date escapade no matter how smooth he may be. I have more dignity in myself than that. The conversation did flow and I found myself exploring the idea of a friendship that might benefit me. I so wanted to be wanted.
But when I went digging, I found you. The benefit of not trusting anyone I suppose. I found your happiness and smiles glaring back at me and I was shocked to see his face pressed against yours, but there it was. Clear as day. You are his wife and have been for awhile it seems. I didn’t want this I tell you. I dragged out a bullshit conversation to get as much proof as humanly possible. His photos, his dirty mind, his desires for another woman. What you see in these messages… this isn’t me.
I am sick and tired of being the other woman. Finding out that me alone is never enough. Yes… I admit. This would not be the first time a married man had found a way to hide his marital vows and get in to my heart. At least this time I found out before I loved him.
I sent this all to you not in a vicious way. I simply wanted you to know. I want more than anything for you to ruin his life because I would like to think I would do the same if I were you. I feel guilty for not doing more the last time this happened to me. He certainly did not deserve to get away with anything, but I let him go. I tried to cope with it myself thinking that reaching out would do more harm than good and I made excuses because I had loved him. But I do not love your man. I do not desire to ever see him again in any capacity. I want him to be left in the dirt where he belongs.
But I am not here to tell you what to do. Stay with him if you wish, I will never judge you. Leave him if you can, I will not judge you. I am not you. I do not know what I would do in this scenario. But I know this…
I am not going to be the other woman. I am done hurting over someone who did not have the decency to be a man to begin with. Can I be blamed? Sure. I kept talking fully knowing he was married, thinking I was outwitting my opponent. When in reality I will look like a fool. I will leave you alone as you so wish to be left. I gave you what I could. I do not wish to drag on any agony for either of us. I will disappear in to the edges of paper on a computer screen because I know not any other way. I am sorry, truly.