I never wanted to be her. I certainly did not want to continue to be her… It’s why I felt I had to call. I wanted you to know what it was you were married to. I can’t even dignify calling him a “him” for he is a monster. How he so easily sauntered in to the bar no ring, how his gaze made me crazy enough to give him my number… I didn’t expect him to call, he seemed to cool for me anyways! But he did, and the lies came pouring in. He never mentioned you. Never mentioned a girlfriend, let alone a wife. He said he was too busy with work to think about a relationship, but was interested in getting to know me. Friends he said.
So he came up to meet me, conversation and smiles had me intoxicated for I so longingly wanted to be wanted. He got the best of me, a kiss would be a kiss, he would attempt for more but I wanted him to work for it. I sent him home with a mere glimpse of what I had to offer. Nothing more. This I promise. I am not the girl to so easily be swayed in to a first date escapade no matter how smooth he may be. I have more dignity in myself than that. The conversation did flow and I found myself exploring the idea of a friendship that might benefit me. I so wanted to be wanted.
But when I went digging, I found you. The benefit of not trusting anyone I suppose. I found your happiness and smiles glaring back at me and I was shocked to see his face pressed against yours, but there it was. Clear as day. You are his wife and have been for awhile it seems. I didn’t want this I tell you. I dragged out a bullshit conversation to get as much proof as humanly possible. His photos, his dirty mind, his desires for another woman. What you see in these messages… this isn’t me.
I am sick and tired of being the other woman. Finding out that me alone is never enough. Yes… I admit. This would not be the first time a married man had found a way to hide his marital vows and get in to my heart. At least this time I found out before I loved him.
I sent this all to you not in a vicious way. I simply wanted you to know. I want more than anything for you to ruin his life because I would like to think I would do the same if I were you. I feel guilty for not doing more the last time this happened to me. He certainly did not deserve to get away with anything, but I let him go. I tried to cope with it myself thinking that reaching out would do more harm than good and I made excuses because I had loved him. But I do not love your man. I do not desire to ever see him again in any capacity. I want him to be left in the dirt where he belongs.
But I am not here to tell you what to do. Stay with him if you wish, I will never judge you. Leave him if you can, I will not judge you. I am not you. I do not know what I would do in this scenario. But I know this…
I am not going to be the other woman. I am done hurting over someone who did not have the decency to be a man to begin with. Can I be blamed? Sure. I kept talking fully knowing he was married, thinking I was outwitting my opponent. When in reality I will look like a fool. I will leave you alone as you so wish to be left. I gave you what I could. I do not wish to drag on any agony for either of us. I will disappear in to the edges of paper on a computer screen because I know not any other way. I am sorry, truly.
Wow! This is one powerful post.
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Thank you for reading, it certainly was not easy to write!
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Love you Houser
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love you too Nick!
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Just as powerful as the Stay video by Sugarland. Love you cuz ❤
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Thanks cuz! Would definitely never stick in a relationship knowing… still sucks though.
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So much raw emotion and… I can’t find the words to describe it….nothing could adequately describe the emotions and feelings you have evoked with your writing. Anyone who reads this will be so moved by your pain and your heartbreak. You are an amazing person!!
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Thank you Jez! I just hope women stick up for each other in these scenarios. No one deserves to get away with such degrading acts towards another person.
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We all want to be wanted. It’s what blinds us. If we don’t, then we are too cold to let love in to begin with.
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Agreed!
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Reaching out to her was definitely the right thing to do. When I was in her shoes (minus the marriage), I ignored the girl who tried to tell me I was dating a monster. It wasn’t until I began catching him in lies myself that all the dots connected. I was REALLY hard on myself for that. We live and learn. Let’s just say I learned a lot from that relationship. Sorry you had to go through that. ❤
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Definitely a learning experience! Just glad I wasn’t invested and hope she see’s through him.
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