I Miss You, But I Don’t Know You

It’s an emptiness I can’t quite explain, I used to tell you everything. Spill out all my deepest darkest secrets. I called you to cry because you were the only one I was comfortable enough with to be completely uncased. Ribs cracked open wide, tears streaming from my little heart, that’s what I gave you. All of me in a friendship I can’t even describe. And I was under this impression of a mutual agreement, you and I were one in this fight of life, we had each others backs, we had each others secrets. But how did I get that so wrong?

I ran to you in every scary, new, uncomfortable scenario. I trusted your wisdom and words of advice when it came to relationships, work, friends, you name it! You were my go to. I had your name tattooed on my brain. How did I not see all the lies and deceits?

I cut people out of my life who did you wrong, because in my mind, they did me wrong as well. I ruined relationships with your friendship, because your friendship was more important in the end. I prefaced new relationships with a warning about you, because I almost lost you once. How could I not have noticed that your intentions for me were stained with a selfishness that reeks.

I was able to love you fully because it wasn’t a love I ever had to run from. Your love made me feel endlessly beautiful, because I never had to believe that you would change your mind. There is never a “threat of another” in a friendship like ours. But how could I not realize that this love of ours was unrequited… Unrequited is the worst kind, in a friendship, just as much as in a lover.

Even more swift than your friendship came, you ripped it away. The choices and actions were yours alone. What we built for years was destroyed in a 20 minute phone call. How fitting.

So now I miss you, I miss my best friend. But I don’t even know who you are.

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On The Death of a Friend

Elliott

I am so incredibly blessed to have known Elliott Orr as long as I have, although the time is never enough. Growing up in the church together, coaching soccer together. The memories I will cherish forever. There are so many people that have been touched by his laughter, his selfless love, and unwavering faith. Such a beautiful soul through the hardest times. His journey has touched so many lives and inspired me to see beauty in dark hours. I pray for peace and strength and comfort to his family, wife, friends. God bless you and everything you have brought to this world.

May you be at rest with the Lord, Coach. Your memory will forever be in my heart.

Death is not something I have ever been able to process easily. From losing my mother at a young age, to countless relatives and more friends than I would care to see go. Cancer has taken so many from me in such a short span of life. I find myself always struggling to process the emotions that flood me in these times.

I seem to always begin with a selfish regret… “I should have been around more, I said I would visit, I wish I would have held that friendship closer and done more to be a support system.” After the regret I move fiercely in to anger. I don’t think there will ever come a time when I will not feel angry when someone loses their life to cancer. It’s a nasty thing and by God I do not understand it. Maybe it’s a lack of knowledge and understanding, and honestly I should have sat down with Elliott a time or two and simply asked, “You are a young, vibrant, amazing young man who had so much passion for life. How do you not let yourself become angry with God? You praise his name daily and ask for prayers for others before yourself! How do you find the trust in him that this is his will and his plan for you is greater than what we can comprehend?” It takes every fiber of my being not to curse him in this hour. I never preach to be the best Christian by any stretch of the imagination, but my biggest struggle is when he tests me to keep loving him when good people are taken from this world, in my opinion, way too soon.

Following anger is the incredible heartbreak, a sadness from loss that can not be described. You feel so much that it physically hurts. Now if you know me, you’re aware that feelings of sadness are not emotions that I am willing to wear openly. I don’t cry in front of others, I stand strong, hold fast, show no weakness if you will. I’m the tough one in the face of difficult times. But loss is a sadness I can’t conceal. Tears will flood my eyes beyond my control.

But once the tears subside I will come to find a place of acceptance. Acceptance for the  bigger plan. Acceptance of the comfort in Heaven that the suffering can now feel. Through all the anger and regret, I always find solace that the departed have left to be with the Lord.

“On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend’s life also, in our own, to the world.” – Henry Thoreau

It’s a testament to my friend Elliott that over 700 people showed up for his funeral. I can also promise that many were still missing. But the truly miraculous thing to watch is how peaceful and blessed everyone who knew him continues to be. myself included. I find myself laughing at the things that used to infuriate me, “my truck has been recalled?! HAHA of course it has, I’ll call next week”, “I can feel cold air leaking in through the kitchen window now, the door wall can’t get fixed till spring, I definitely need to add insulation to stop all the freezing on my roof, guess I better start saving and planning”. My reactions in the past would have been much more aggressive, angry, full of cussing and confusion on why and how this is all happening. It’s interesting to me how one single human can drastically make you reevaluate your priorities and what you find important enough to fuss over.

So more than anything, through all the processes of emotions I must land my final emotion on a feeling of thanks. A thank you to a kid who was able to bring so much perspective to my world, so much more evaluations of being thankful as opposed to being irritated. Positivity above anything else.

Thank you Elliott, coach, friend. I will forever be grateful for your mark on this world.

Contributions in memory of a wonderful man can be made here:

Elliott Orr Mission and Scholarship Project Fund, c/o Scott Orr, P.O. Box 248, North Branch, MI. 48461

He Called Me Broken

I am a huge advocate of having opposite sex friends (strictly friends, if sex is involved… you’re not just friends) because their viewpoints and opinions can be so finite and blunt it’s amazing. Women are amazing companions, they stick up for you, build you up when you feel down, encourage you and love you. I do not want to take away from the amazing companionship I have in my lady loves 🙂 I simply want to look at the beauty of friendship in a dude.

*Now, for all of you naysayers out there, a platonic relationship with a guy is possible. One of my closest guy friends has been in my life for several years, I love his girlfriend, I support their relationship in every way, never in my life would I ever imagine me getting in the way of their happiness and never would he ever jeopardize what he has by pushing our friendship boundaries. So if you want to comment on this post about the impossibility of this friendship, please don’t, keep those opinions to yourself.*

Yesterday I was having a lovely catch up conversation with my good friend, we shall call him Rooney, about my last ‘relationshit’ and the bullshit words that were thrown around during it. I wish I could make this up but his first response was

“See, that’s why you’re so broken!” I immediately got defensive…

“I’m not broken!” How dare he…

“What about me seems broken? I am strong and happy and… and … PERFECTLY INTACT!”

He just laughed at me and started the process of explanation, “You’re right, not broken in the sense of sad and depressed over some jerk, but broken in the sense that the next guy that even ATTEMPTS to date you will have his work cut out for him with getting you to believe anything he has to say! Every guy we have talked about that has told you they love you has absolutely not proven this to you in any way. I feel bad for you because you don’t deserve that, but I feel bad for the guy that really does, because I honestly don’t think you will believe him”.

Blunt

Truth

Fuck… I AM broken.

The beauty of dude friends, say it like it is, not worried about hurting your feelings, but always looking out for you overall.

Judgement and Stereotypes

different

I was recently blessed to travel home and see some old friends. A bonfire, just what the doctor ordered! It had been so long since I was able to spend quality time with some of these friends and it was long over due.

I showed up to a party in full swing, the fire was roaring, the beer was flowing and I couldn’t wait to step out of my truck and in to the brisk night. I had my good jeans on and my new boots but I had left my Carhartt at home and had to settle for a pea coat. Oh well, it was warm enough. I never could have imagined the coat would cause me such grief. Apparently my hair cut wouldn’t fit in either.

My hair was the first thing my friends noticed, it’s a deep red and has an edgy bang now… I wanted a change and my stylist did just that. But I guess I could not have predicted the new look would categorize me a “city girl”. Those were the first several comments I heard! “Oh look at the city girls hair!” and “That’s what happens when you spend too much time in the city!”. Almost as if on cue, an hour later I was getting grief for my coat. It was “so nice” and probably “cost a fortune” which caused me to assure them that the damn coat was only $20 and I just hadn’t dug up my Carhartt from the move yet.  Was I really justifying myself… to my friends?!

To top off the night, my friend was noticing a smell… someone smelled really good! I exclaimed it was probably her and leaned in to check. Upon this decision she declared “No, its you! You smell good! It’s that nice city smell!” My response, irritated and simple… “Or I just showered before I got here.”

It’s funny to me that these are the deciding factors to being a city girl. Let’s not forget the village I grew up in is significantly smaller than the city they are in. The travel time to grocery stores and movie theaters and restaurants is a good 20 minutes EXTRA for me. Although I was not raised with horses and cattle, I was raised gathering eggs from the chickens, feeding and breeding ducks, also tending to the goats. A small farm may pale in comparison, but am I really that far off from your childhood? I had to work on a neighboring farm in trade to ride her horse, it wasn’t my past time. I didn’t have the finances or the opportunity for that lifestyle anyways, I chose busting my ass at school and in sports so I could eventually afford them myself by traveling off to get a damn good degree. I grew up hunting and fishing, I trekked through the woods as a hobby and waded through the creek until it froze over in the winter. I have a pheasant and an owl stuffed and mounted in my apartment. I own a gun, soon to be several. I own enough camouflage and flannel to wear something different daily, and I like that look.

Therefore I am finding myself to be more and more misplaced. My friends back home seem to think I am a different breed and although I know how to blend in, my life sticks out like a sore thumb in the city. I get odd looks when I step out of my Chevy pick up, camo seat covers and all its glory. If I go out with my boots on forget any guy buying me a drink, I immediately shove myself in to a very intimidating category. I have a slight southern drawl courtesy of my raising and it has been pointed out to me more than once in my daily life.

So here I stand, living up to the title of my blog and once again reminded of my walking contradiction. I guess the only thing that matters is that I am true to me, as weird and complicated as that may be!!

What To Wait For

This is a little guidebook for all of my female friends… spiraling off my last post, I will have to argue that no one should ever settle. This was nicely summed up, a little far fetched because we are soiled in to feeling that way, but a nice thought. Enjoy ladies!

 

futurehusbandbook.pdf.

Settling

While having a conversation with an old friend of mine today he mentioned something about relationships and how “well, you just learn to deal right?” This immediately struck me as odd… just deal? Do we really have to just “deal” in love?? My immediate response was exactly this…

“Just deal? I’m not settling for anything less. There are many mediocre things in life, love should not be one of them!”

He proceeded to talk about their current issues and the lack of support from her on him returning to school. His decision to return to learn has apparently caused a lot of turbulence in the relationship. So naturally, I respond with:

“Life is bumpy roads. Just gotta find the one you want to ride them out with. The one who will sit next to you and never falter.”

I have struggled with this notion for years. Finding “the one” and spending out your life in a bliss that is full of challenges and changes and twists and turns, but you are still so in love at the end of the day the hard times are temporary. Is this idea insane? Am I crazy for thinking that this insanity exists? Is it really possible for two people to be so in love, best friends, soul mates if you will, that no hard time could alter the extent of their love?

What about the studies that have been done that humans, like many other mammals, are not genetically bred to be monogamous creatures?

Or is my friend more accurate? Do I need to be more focused on finding one that is for all intensive purposes “good enough”? Am I stuck in a fairytale idea of love and the future? For being an intense and aggressive person,or according to my friend “cold blooded”, I do seem to have a very odd whimsical idea to romance and love.

What do you think love really means? Is settling as bad as it seems?

 

This Is Life

Tragedy:

A very bad event that causes great sadness and often involves someone’s death.

A very sad, unfortunate, or upsetting situation : something that causes strong feelings of sadness or regret.

 

In a very short amount of time I have experienced two separate events that I could categorize as a tragedy. Watching someone who still holds your heart walk down the aisle to marry another woman I would categorize as a very sad, unfortunate, or upsetting situation. Finding out that your closest friend at work took their own life, I would categorize as a very bad event that causes great sadness.

Do you let someones marriage impale you to the point of numb? Or do you realize you may have been looking through a very fine hole of life and there is SO much more and someone so much more just waiting for you to finally break away.  Yea, I think it is the latter.

When it comes to death/suicide… do you dwell and ponder all of life? Do you feel guilty because you didn’t do more for someone who didn’t reach out for help? Do you spin around in your own head trying to decipher if there were signs or something you missed? Or do you remember the beautiful laughter and goofy, ridiculous amount of voice impersonations that brightened everyday? The jokes and faces and fun loving nature of a guy who brought so much happiness to your friendship. I think its the latter. I think I need to remember and reminisce on the man who inspired ridiculous conversations, verbally abused my self conscious ideals about myself and dragged me to an adult arcade to help me move on from a hard break up. I need to keep my thoughts on the man who texted me for hours to make sure I made my drive up north safely. The one who compared our relationships with our dogs and tried to pretend his dog was better than mine haha. I laugh now just remembering how asinine it sounded to fight over who had more love from their furry friend.

Both scenarios have really made me stop and think. This is life. This is the tumultuous bullshit that drones throughout our days defining our next moves and the way we grow and react and learn. It is also these scenarios that remind me that life is too short and too precious to not do what you want with it. Are you loving with an intensity and ferocity that would make all others jealous? Why not! Are you living to the fullest not letting financial restraints hold you back from experiencing unfulfilled desires? WHY NOT!

Take it from someone who has lost… Losing is not the end, it’s only the beginning to something you are not yet in tune too.

“God’s plan is greater than mine” REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT!

 

Love is Friendship on Fire

Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal.

A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of wedding vows by the couple, presentation of a gift (offering, ring(s), symbolic item, flowers, money), and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or leader.

I have only ever truly loved to the point of wanting marriage once. If I could express that emotion in words I would, but I will let corny movie quotes express it for me instead.

The way I felt on our first date:

Once in awhile,
Right in the middle of an ordinary life,
Love gives us a fairy tale.

The way I felt for 90% of our relationship:

“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” LOTR- The Fellowship of the Ring

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” -Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights

Obviously, all good things must come to an end, hence the way I felt for 90%. The relationship failed and then failed again. Things fall apart. And sometimes you can’t figure out how to put them back together until it’s too late.

How I have felt for the last 5 some years:

“We loved with a love that was more than love.” -Edgar Allan Poe’s

How I still feel:

We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by embracing one another.
Luciano de Crescenzo

So, as I roam here in the life of an unwed, and I watch people I loved and still love tie the knot, I will walk around with my solitary wing waiting for someone to join me in flight. I have had many great learning experiences since this man. And as I watch him marry and begin his full life, I look forward with courage and hope knowing that someone is out there for me. But, as is in my true nature, I move forward daily with a harder heart than yesterday.

So, now I pose a few questions to anyone who happens to read this…

  1. Have you ever loved with such passion that you couldn’t comprehend life without this other person?
  2. If you are married, did you marry the person in number 1? If no, who did you marry then?
  3. Do you believe that there is only one person in the world that is the perfect person for you?

 

I have to take this final moment to thank a dear friend of mine. She said something to me today that I am not sure if I should take as a compliment or not. Although I know she meant it as a compliment, I always wonder if my ability to guard my heart is a blessing or a curse.

“You’re smarter with your heart than most people are.” – L

Help Support Elliotts Fight! | Medical Expenses – YouCaring.com

Help Support Elliotts Fight! | Medical Expenses – YouCaring.com.

 

The Newlyweds

 

On Wednesday, July 10, Elliott met with an oncologist after she had read all of the scans. The results were positive for tumors in two places in the pelvis, a rib, the heads of both femurs, and the lungs. It is confirmed that the Osteosarcoma is back and has spread via the blood stream.

There are numerous questions that have subsequently come up and many decisions yet to be made. We will try to inform as much as possible what is most likely going to occur at this point. Elliott will be starting a blog soon as well which he will link to Facebook and other media outlets to try and keep everyone in the loop, so be on the lookout for that if you want to follow him on this journey. For now, this is what will be happening:

1. Elliott will shortly be dropping out of Michigan State University and leaving the East Lansing area permanently. He will not be obtaining a degree.

2. He will be starting chemotherapy in the next couple weeks depending on new wedding arrangements in the works.

3. This chemotherapy will be in three-week increments: five days straight for 8-10 hours per day followed by two weeks of rest and recovery. The first “session” will likely be eight cycles.

4. Because the cancer has returned, there is likely a mutation that has grown resistant to the previous chemotherapy. This new type of chemotherapy will be focused on controlling the spreading of the cancer; however, it is not extremely effective in killing the cancer, especially permanently.

5. This chemotherapy will be administered indefinitely. Likelihood of ever removing all of the cancer is extraordinarily unlikely.

We understand that this is a lot of information to take in. For now, he asks for prayers for healing, patience, wisdom, peace and many other things that he vehemently believes only God can bring.

As of late, Christina and Elliott are feeling exceptionally loved by friends’ and families’ generosity, sacrifice and affection, and wholeheartedly wish to thank everyone for their contributions. What a great community.

Obviously, there is much more to say and will continue to be more to say as life continues. However, he wanted to take the time to let everyone know this information. If you have any questions, comments or anything, please feel free to call, text, email, etc.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/eorr

 

On Wednesday, July 10, Elliott met with an oncologist after she had read all of the scans. The results were positive for tumors in two places in the pelvis, a rib, the heads of both femurs, and the lungs. It is confirmed that the osteosarcoma is back and has spread via the blood stream.

There are numerous questions that have subsequently come up and many decisions yet to be made. We will try to inform as much as possible what is most likely going to occur at this point. Elliott will be starting a blog soon as well which he will link to facebook and other media outlets to try and keep everyone in the loop, so be on the lookout for that if you want to follow him on this journey. For now, this is what will be happening:

1. Elliott will shortly be dropping out of Michigan State University and leaving the East Lansing area permanently. He will not be obtaining a degree.

2. He will be starting chemotherapy in the next couple weeks depending on new wedding arrangements in the works.

3. This chemotherapy will be in three-week increments: five days straight for 8-10 hours per day followed by two weeks of rest and recovery. The first “session” will likely be eight cycles.

4. Because the cancer has returned, there is likely a mutation that has grown resistant to the previous chemotherapy. This new type of chemotherapy will be focused on controlling the spreading of the cancer; however, it is not extremely effective in killing the cancer, especially permanently.

5. This chemotherapy will be administered indefinitely. Likelihood of ever removing all of the cancer is extraordinarily unlikely.

We understand that this is a lot of information to take in. For now, he asks for prayers for healing, patience, wisdom, peace and many other things that he vehemently believes only God can bring.

As of late, Christina and Elliott are feeling exceptionally loved by friends’ and families’ generosity, sacrifice and affection, and wholeheartedly wish to thank everyone for their contributions. What a great community.

Obviously, there is much more to say and will continue to be more to say as life continues. However, he wanted to take the time to let everyone know this information. If you have any questions, comments or anything, please feel free to call, text, email, etc.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/eorr

– See more at: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-support-elliotts-fight-/73234#sthash.215O77UQ.dpuf

On Wednesday, July 10, Elliott met with an oncologist after she had read all of the scans. The results were positive for tumors in two places in the pelvis, a rib, the heads of both femurs, and the lungs. It is confirmed that the osteosarcoma is back and has spread via the blood stream.

There are numerous questions that have subsequently come up and many decisions yet to be made. We will try to inform as much as possible what is most likely going to occur at this point. Elliott will be starting a blog soon as well which he will link to facebook and other media outlets to try and keep everyone in the loop, so be on the lookout for that if you want to follow him on this journey. For now, this is what will be happening:

1. Elliott will shortly be dropping out of Michigan State University and leaving the East Lansing area permanently. He will not be obtaining a degree.

2. He will be starting chemotherapy in the next couple weeks depending on new wedding arrangements in the works.

3. This chemotherapy will be in three-week increments: five days straight for 8-10 hours per day followed by two weeks of rest and recovery. The first “session” will likely be eight cycles.

4. Because the cancer has returned, there is likely a mutation that has grown resistant to the previous chemotherapy. This new type of chemotherapy will be focused on controlling the spreading of the cancer; however, it is not extremely effective in killing the cancer, especially permanently.

5. This chemotherapy will be administered indefinitely. Likelihood of ever removing all of the cancer is extraordinarily unlikely.

We understand that this is a lot of information to take in. For now, he asks for prayers for healing, patience, wisdom, peace and many other things that he vehemently believes only God can bring.

As of late, Christina and Elliott are feeling exceptionally loved by friends’ and families’ generosity, sacrifice and affection, and wholeheartedly wish to thank everyone for their contributions. What a great community.

Obviously, there is much more to say and will continue to be more to say as life continues. However, he wanted to take the time to let everyone know this information. If you have any questions, comments or anything, please feel free to call, text, email, etc.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/eorr – See more at: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-support-elliotts-fight-/73234#sthash.215O77UQ.dpuf

On Wednesday, July 10, Elliott met with an oncologist after she had read all of the scans. The results were positive for tumors in two places in the pelvis, a rib, the heads of both femurs, and the lungs. It is confirmed that the osteosarcoma is back and has spread via the blood stream.

There are numerous questions that have subsequently come up and many decisions yet to be made. We will try to inform as much as possible what is most likely going to occur at this point. Elliott will be starting a blog soon as well which he will link to facebook and other media outlets to try and keep everyone in the loop, so be on the lookout for that if you want to follow him on this journey. For now, this is what will be happening:

1. Elliott will shortly be dropping out of Michigan State University and leaving the East Lansing area permanently. He will not be obtaining a degree.

2. He will be starting chemotherapy in the next couple weeks depending on new wedding arrangements in the works.

3. This chemotherapy will be in three-week increments: five days straight for 8-10 hours per day followed by two weeks of rest and recovery. The first “session” will likely be eight cycles.

4. Because the cancer has returned, there is likely a mutation that has grown resistant to the previous chemotherapy. This new type of chemotherapy will be focused on controlling the spreading of the cancer; however, it is not extremely effective in killing the cancer, especially permanently.

5. This chemotherapy will be administered indefinitely. Likelihood of ever removing all of the cancer is extraordinarily unlikely.

We understand that this is a lot of information to take in. For now, he asks for prayers for healing, patience, wisdom, peace and many other things that he vehemently believes only God can bring.

As of late, Christina and Elliott are feeling exceptionally loved by friends’ and families’ generosity, sacrifice and affection, and wholeheartedly wish to thank everyone for their contributions. What a great community.

Obviously, there is much more to say and will continue to be more to say as life continues. However, he wanted to take the time to let everyone know this information. If you have any questions, comments or anything, please feel free to call, text, email, etc.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/eorr – See more at: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-support-elliotts-fight-/73234#sthash.215O77UQ.dpuf

On Wednesday, July 10, Elliott met with an oncologist after she had read all of the scans. The results were positive for tumors in two places in the pelvis, a rib, the heads of both femurs, and the lungs. It is confirmed that the osteosarcoma is back and has spread via the blood stream.

There are numerous questions that have subsequently come up and many decisions yet to be made. We will try to inform as much as possible what is most likely going to occur at this point. Elliott will be starting a blog soon as well which he will link to facebook and other media outlets to try and keep everyone in the loop, so be on the lookout for that if you want to follow him on this journey. For now, this is what will be happening:

1. Elliott will shortly be dropping out of Michigan State University and leaving the East Lansing area permanently. He will not be obtaining a degree.

2. He will be starting chemotherapy in the next couple weeks depending on new wedding arrangements in the works.

3. This chemotherapy will be in three-week increments: five days straight for 8-10 hours per day followed by two weeks of rest and recovery. The first “session” will likely be eight cycles.

4. Because the cancer has returned, there is likely a mutation that has grown resistant to the previous chemotherapy. This new type of chemotherapy will be focused on controlling the spreading of the cancer; however, it is not extremely effective in killing the cancer, especially permanently.

5. This chemotherapy will be administered indefinitely. Likelihood of ever removing all of the cancer is extraordinarily unlikely.

We understand that this is a lot of information to take in. For now, he asks for prayers for healing, patience, wisdom, peace and many other things that he vehemently believes only God can bring.

As of late, Christina and Elliott are feeling exceptionally loved by friends’ and families’ generosity, sacrifice and affection, and wholeheartedly wish to thank everyone for their contributions. What a great community.

Obviously, there is much more to say and will continue to be more to say as life continues. However, he wanted to take the time to let everyone know this information. If you have any questions, comments or anything, please feel free to call, text, email, etc.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/eorr – See more at: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-support-elliotts-fight-/73234#sthash.215O77UQ.dpuf

Good Morning Sunshine

Adding love and beauty to my life

Adding love and beauty to my life

On July 4th, 2013 another beautiful addition to my life entered this world. I have few friends that I can truly call family and both are officially mothers to gorgeous children. Nolan Matthew is my first Friend Nephew and I couldn’t be more excited to have another little life to spoil!!

NolanMatthew2

This little man came with some very interesting emotions for me (yes this post is going to be slightly selfish). First of all, my longest standing friends from High School are both now mothers… and then there is me. I am in love with their children. I could not be happier for them and their beautiful families. But I can’t help but feel like I lost a connection with them. I am no longer going to have the same conversations or gossip sessions or any and all of the above. Every time you complain about being tired “yea, well try having a kid”. Every time you bring up any kind of pain “Yea, well try giving birth”. And the list goes on.

Please do not misunderstand me. I do not hold the change in communication against my friends, I do not look down on them, I do not look at them any differently in any way. I honestly have more love in my heart for these two beautiful people than I ever thought I could. But man… it sure does put a little damper on your own personal time clock. Not to mention how aggressive they become about me having a kid soon to “catch up”.

I guess my point is simply this. If you do not have children, please be sensitive to the conversations you have with your mother friends. It can be accidentally inconsiderate to complain about the small things. But also, if you have children, please be cognizant about the fact that your “single friends” may be just as hurt by some of the mother statements that you find to be every day jargon.

Just some food for thought…